Dancing

Life is moving.

Life is fast.

Some might say that life is even moving fast. I would say that.

I can’t believe it has already been a year since I moved out of the Windy City of Chicago. It’s weird to me. I couldn’t wait to get there, and now here I am. Back where I started. That use to bum me out.  Especially since I’m the reason we moved back. I’m now learning that where I’m at doesn’t really define who I am or what my life is. I’m just excited to see where it takes me.

 It reminds me of what one of my friends said on his blog once. He said, “My dance with religion has led me to find that I’m not dancing to learn the steps, I’m dancing to dance. And perfection is not the goal of this endeavor; dancing is. I’ve given up my need to have the right steps.”

At the time that quote helped me get through a lot of things, and shaped my thoughts about a lot of different things. Now even though this may not hold true in the same way as it use to, specifically to my faith, it still holds a lot of truths, just different ones. Truths that, for me, have changed and have grown.  You see, I am a completely different person now then I was a year ago in Chicago. I’m so glad. Not because I was a bad person in Chicago, but because I would be concerned if I wasn’t different. I saw a quote somewhere that was something along the lines of, “if it isn’t changing, it isn’t living.” We all change, in some way or another. And it’s a good thing. We have to be willing to accept that change.  That is the scary part.

When I first started this blog it was along the idea that I needed to let go, and not be in control so much. This can be over anything. Control over your life, your relationship, your career. Anything. That is scary. It’s scary for me. It’s hard. The thing about letting go though is that it may be scary at first, but once you get past the initial fear, its fun, exciting, freeing. Just gliding through the air, no cares, no worries, just awe and wonder.  

Now as awesome as it would be to be like Tom Petty and free fall, it’s a tall order. Like I said, it’s a scary thing to let go. So much so, that we fight it, fight against anything and anyone who tries to make us let go. I know I have, that I am. It’s exhausting. I think I have been doing this a lot lately because one of my friends (a different friend) told me once that, “if you find yourself living in a world you are unhappy in, you have two options. You can either try to change it, or you can live by its rules. For a long time I did neither. Not living by the rules but unwilling to try and change it, mainly because I didn’t think I could. Lately though I have been trying to have a delicate balance of both, because I think there is a time for both of these paths. There is a time for everything. But more on that later.

This quote that my friend posted is now changing and evolving for me. I have realized that it isn’t just about faith, but about life. This quote now probably reads a lot more like this:

“Life is a dance, and I’m not dancing to learn the right steps, I’m dancing to dance. Perfection is not the goal of this endeavor; dancing is.”

Not much different, but just enough. I think the biggest thing that I have been focused on lately is the last sentence. Perfection is not the goal of this endeavor, dancing is.

I love dancing. Especially when it’s just me, maybe a few friends, in the living room, having a dance party. In those moments I’m dancing the way I want to dance.

There are always people out there who are going to try to tell you that you are not doing the dance right. That your technique is bad, or you’re off the beat, or maybe you just look foolish doing that certain type of dance.  But you see, I’m not dancing for them, I’m dancing to dance.

Too many times people want to take the lead in my dance. Sometimes I wish I could tell them that this one is mine, you have your own. Go lead your own.

I want them to lead their own dance because perfection is not the goal of my dance. So many people try to make it be the goal however, which irritates me. It irritates me because I’m not perfect, and I will never be perfect.

That’s perfectly ok with me.

I don’t want to be perfect. Quite honestly that’s a lot to live up to, and it can only result in disappointment for those who expect it.

I guess what I’m really trying to say is that I want to be able to dance the way that I want to dance.  Yes, I realize that I will probably make mistakes. I will probably mess things up, hurt ones that I love, and be selfish. But I will also be selfless, caring, helpful, sweet, inspiring, and comforting.  And that’s ok that I will be all of those things, because as the book of Ecclesiastes reminds us there is a time for everything. Most importantly however, there is a time to dance. So even though I may not know exactly where I’m going, I do know how I will get there. I will be dancing.